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Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
8:01 pm - Conversation
So... I talked to a friend recently... about what's really going on in my life... it's kind of weird but I thought that if I'd write the conversation down... maybe then I could figure out what to do...

-You are in love with him... you have to admit it...

-Nope, I don't have to, 'cause I'm not

-For god's sake why won't you admit it? don't you realise?? you're hurting all of us...

-I'm not gonna say it...

-Who do you wanna trick? believe me... above all people I'd wish that you weren't... 'cause if she finds out you're gonna hurt her in ways that you probably don't even know... and I'm still in love with her... that's why I wouldn't want for you to love him... as a matter of fact... I wish you could love her the way I do.. so she can still be happy... but you don't... so why don't you just stop playing with her and tell her the truth?

-I can't!! alright?? I just... can't. Believe it or not... I still care about her... and I'm not willing to let her down that easily... not unless until she finds someone else

-So you're gonna make her feel guilty about you breaking up

-I never said I was gonna

-Then what will you do when he comes to you and tell you that you can't have both?? you're gonna leave him? no! you're gonna walk away from her... that will break her and you know it...

-I can't tell her... she thinks I'm still in love with her...

-Well, are you?

-I'm not even sure...

-You have an angel, a demon and a human... which one will you choose?

-She's the angel isn't she?

-Could it be someone else?

-I can't choose her... I don't even know who the demon is, but the human... hell... if I could just begin to explain you what he does to me...

I have to go... I'll keep writing it later... See ya

current mood: trying to think straight

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Friday, November 4th, 2005
8:56 pm - She's so freaking perfect...
Well, I met this girl, actually, I met her a long time ago, but she was only my friend until a few months ago...

Well... the point in here is that I'm truly in love with her, & the greatest part... she's in love with me too... I don't know what I did to deserve it, but all I can say is that her love fills my life in a way nothing else could...

It's like the sun rises and sets only because of her smile, she sent away the loneliness, filled with life the places where emptiness was everything in sight, I love her because she made that happen, I love her because she became my everything, because I just can't conceibe that it could be other way out.

current mood: loved

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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
6:48 pm - Here I am again
I know I stopped writting for a loooooooong time, but here I am again...sorry

Well... First, I wanna tell you something... My grandfather just died... and I was really depressed... but here's my point... I don't like to cry... So I didn't... though the pain was just too damn hard, I didn't... my mother...whose father was the one who died is saying that I don't care... as a matter of fact, everybody thinks that I don't care...

I can't make them understand... which makes me feel worse, 'cause they wouldn't believe how difficult it is for me... anyway, everyone thinks I'm stone-made...and what is even worse... is that so many people have told me the same that I'm starting to believe they may be right...

To be honest, I truly feel like shit... for them I have no heart... ha... I'm like Dracula in Van Helsing "I have no heart, I feel no love! nor fear, nor joy, nor sorrow... I am hollow, And I will live forever, I'm at war with the world"

Well..I guess I gotta go...see ya'

current mood: like shit

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Thursday, June 16th, 2005
8:11 pm
Funny ain't it?
First there's the only person I'm truly in love with, but that I can't have, in the other hand, it appeared the one I like, the one I want...the one I CAN HAVE

"Love is the only thing worth fighting for" but is it really worth it to fight & wait for someone I know would never be with me?

I wanna move on, but I know I can't just go on like that...now, can I?

Right now there are soooooooooooo many things in my head, that I know I can't make up my mind from one day to another...

current mood: sad

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Monday, June 13th, 2005
6:12 pm
Well...What can I say?
I know I haven't write in a long time now...but I haven't had time...

Anyway...I'm writting to leave a thought...

The issue with me now is love...why? well, today we were in english class.. & the teacher asked us what was worth fighting for... Then 2 words came to my mind... empathy & love...

First there's my phylosophy teacher...who says that without any feelings, we'd have no problems...'causee every single problem is related to feelings...
On the other hand, I have my heart telling me that there's just one thing worth fighting for...love...in the end "love makes the world go round"

I really wanna know what you think...

Well...see ya' then...

current mood: lazy

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
7:21 pm
Maybe she's right...I shouldn't even bother because of just another minimal part in this freaking universe...which by the way...shouldn't be there..

She's just not worth it... I loved her like hell, I would have burned in hell just to keep her safe....but...she killed everything I felt once for her..so

Quoting Tilo "Ich verlasse heute deine herz..."

Anyway...we'll see how this works out...I guess...even though she has hurt me way too much...right now I feel calmed...'cause I know I'm finally doing something for myself and not 'cause she says so...

current mood: I'm ok

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Monday, May 9th, 2005
8:23 pm - Short, but it means the world to me...
So I think in the end it worked out for both of us...well...I don't know about you...but I feel great...I've learnt so much from her...and believe me...I couldn't be better...

current mood: Amazing

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Monday, May 2nd, 2005
6:50 pm
Why???? Maybe she was right, I'm afraid to love...but I know I'm right too...Every single person that I've loved (friend or something more)ends up hurting me...I thought they (some friends) were making me change my mind, but today I realized, that even they've showed me how much they love me, they are hurting me...and I know they don't intend to...but they are...

I know that not falling in love ever again would be the solution, but at which prize??? I mean..."a life without love? that's terrible" I'm so confused...I really don't know what to do...

I just...just...

current mood: drained

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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
7:33 pm
I'm the beauty, the youth and the life, if you come, together we'll be the love, our existence will fade as a dream, and it will become an eternal kiss...

How can 2 people so different be as beloved as they are...simply by me...

current mood: I don't know

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Monday, April 18th, 2005
7:00 pm
So, lately it's been all up & down...first I was like Oh, yay!!! So it'll be the way it used to be:)...and then it turned out it wasn't...damn...has anyone ever wanted to just go back in time and try to change something? (well, in my case, do something I didn't do) I know there's nothing I can do about it...but I can't stop thinking about a What if????

I'm quite aware that it doesn't matter how hard I try I won't be able to do anything...but hey, what can I do but wait and see what happens...

Anyway, today I was with andrew..she's been feeling bad lately, but I don't think it's anything compared with what's going on with me...so....well...I hate being so proud you know? Sometimes it helps, but some other times like today makes me think that I just can't keep acting like that...I think I may be hurting people with the way I am, and I don't wanna change, 'cause I'd stop being what I am...

Now, in the other hand...aparently..."she" (I won't say names) decided to be against all I am, and I know it's not her intention, I mean, she doesn't even know that what she's saying concerns me, but it's still hurting me a lot...Actually, today I got to the point where I had to ask her directly whether she was homophobic or she just made the comments 'cause she wanted to...

Finally, and I think that it's the only one good thing in the post....tuesday of next week it's my birthday, I've been quite depressed lately, but I hope at least that day I'll have a good time...

current mood: I don't know what else to do..

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Friday, April 1st, 2005
7:56 pm
So aparently I get to sing one of her songs, damn, she's so freaking cute, under cut: the song and a picture of Tarja Turunen (Nightwish)

Read more...Collapse )

current mood: So freaking anxious

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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
2:59 pm
You scored as Lestat de Lioncourt. You are Lestat, the rebellou type who does not believe the rules apply to him, the centre of attention while others find your charismatic nature to be very magnetic. You have no problem expressing you opinions openly.


Lestat de Lioncourt


Marius Romanus




David Talbot








What Ricean vampire are you???
created with QuizFarm.com

current mood: blank

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Thursday, March 24th, 2005
7:07 pm
Am I really that sad? Or is it just that I want everyone to come and tell me "you're strong enough, you'll be fine" I guess I'll never know, why? well, first of all, I don't think anyone can answer to it, and if anyone can I don't think I'll believe...

That dream, it means I'm moving on ain't it? well, I think of all things, that was the most confusing part of my freaking mess...

In the other hand, is also the part of "I just wanna be loved by you, and you just wanna be loved" <----long story, anyway, so...if that advice only made me fall even more? I guess right about now I'm quite confused...

current mood: What the hell?

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Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
11:54 am
Now it's the total opossite of the other song, this one is by lacrimosa, the voice is only from anne, but it's a really good song


If my hands couldnt feel
Your warm soft skin
If my eyes wouldnt show me
The things way they are
If your love wasnt there
I couldnt be me - now I know
This is an evening - I never saw before
A new beginning unpredictable
Thank you for the comfort
The feeling that Im not alone
Although there is no-one here I can see
Sensing you closeness
Never leaving me alone
Making me to trust the day

The song in my mind
Once so pure and light
Now suddenly lost its rhythm
Tones out of tune
Was it your leaving
That caused disharmony?

Now I have a collection of you
Though I cant restore
Every memory of us
Tons of pictures - letters
Written in love - but youre more
The moment you stepped out
My heart left with you
I lessened living - unreturnable
I remember your closeness
Never leaving me in vain

Sensing your love
Living in these walls
But even this drink is
Torturing my empty veins
Still waiting to hear your voice

This song in my mind
Once so pure and light
Now suddenly lost its rhythm
Tones out of tune
Was it your leaving
That caused disharmony

I long for your love
Thirst for your kiss
Is this human
Youre only making me alive?

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11:47 am
This is a song by Ricardo Arjona, It's really cute, and I wanted to share it, I just hope you guys speak spanish:) hehehe

Donde estes
creo k es justo k te enteres
k estoy bien, que sobrevivo
k vivo en la calle amores
piso 6 cuarto 28
y k ya no juego al futbol por mi rodilla

K manuel se caso y se fue pa' españa
k fumo mas y duermo menos
que hasta me deje la barba
y sobre todo k te enteres
k a pesar de tus errores
y los mios

Aun te amo
No se si por idiota o por romantico
No se si por novato o por nostalgico
aun te amo
No se si por iluso o fatalista
no se si por cobarde o mazoquista
pero te amo
y no se hacer otra cosa mas
que eso

Aki todo sigue igual k antes
yo estoy solo como nunca
por eso escribo la presente
y no pretendo k hagas nada
solo keria asegurarme k supieras

K Aun te amo
No se si por idiota o por romantico
No se si por novato o por nostalgico
aun te amo
No se si por iluso o fatalista
no se si por cobarde o mazoquista
pero te amo
y no se hacer otra cosa mas
que eso

current mood: I have no idea, hehe

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Friday, March 18th, 2005
7:47 pm
I can't stop crying...I know it won't solve anything...but I just can't help it...I can't take it anymore...I never thought it would be that way...I can't...I just wanna die...

current mood: crying

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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
5:40 pm
I wrote this about a week ago, I'm not sure why I'm posting it, but I think I needed to...hehe

Tears of sadness through the face I adore
But so much joy in my heart because of your pain
Bitterly paced around the whole room
Thinking that you might be loving him more

Why did you run away?
Couldn’t you just face your problems?
You know I would have been there with you
And I’d love you no matter what you could do

An ocean of twisted feelings
So much love and hate at once
My heart is crying water
‘cause you’ve taken my whole life

We both love you like hell
But we also know who will you choose
I’ll just have to break away
Before my heart gets another bruise

Too many tears on my pillow because of you
And now I realize that was your purpose
you don’t deserve all my thoughts of you
I won’t allowed you make me lose

current mood: mmm...

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5:27 pm
So...finally I've made up my mind...

I can't keep doing this...it's hurting me too damn much, and I think I've already posponed it for a long time, I'll get over her (first of all, it can't be that difficult, besides, I won't see her for about 2 weeks so it might work out)

And I know that I sound like I'm absolutely heartless and that she never meant anything to me...but believe me, I've loved her more than my own life, and she's absolutely in love with...well...with...

There's nothing else I can do...no more cute me...nope...that has already hurt me too much...and she's really looking for it...she has tear my wings out...

current mood: determined

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Friday, March 11th, 2005
8:28 pm
So...yesterday I talked to one of her friends...she made me see that I was too focused on it, and that's why I can't get over her...but in the end she was like...have a good night sleep...And guess what? It's the first time since a long time I actually can sleep, without nightmares or anything...it might be coincidence, but she actually made me feel really good...and I appreciate it:)

Now...today all of us went to the movies, and I ended up kissing a girl I barely talk to...well...actually she kissed me, and it was so fast that I didn't even have the time to kiss back or anything...she's really cute, but I was with my other girl and it was like...mm...sorry but I can't think about anything for her...what can I say? I'm quite impressed actually...but I guess i just have to think it over...

current mood: Thinking a lot

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Thursday, March 10th, 2005
6:41 pm
Could I possibly be more depressed?

All I want to do is lie down and cry, but I know that if I do, I won't be able to get up again...

I guess I was already fine, but just to see her today and listen to her talking that way about him made me think that I mean absolutely nothing for her, and if that's the way it is...I don't even wanna keep living anymore...and i know it sound too dramatic, and I know eventually I'll be fine...but right about now I can't think of a solution.

My mind is a complete mess...but so as my heart...The worse part is that I know she doesn't love me that way...but she's all cute and sweet with me, so eventhough I try to get over her...she always gets me to fall for her again...

I can't even think straight for god's sake...

current mood: I really wanna cry

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